Always Angry

Some people are always, always angry. Have you noticed? Have you wondered why? I have. I am not an expert in such things, but I've made some observations.

4 Some people are angry because they assume that they were born into this world for other people to make happy. That plan inevitably fails, but instead of creating their own happy selves, they take vengeance on those who did not do it for them.

4 Some people are angry because they can't find the OFF switch. They may have suffered injustices—who has not?—and have good cause to object to the unfair treatment they've received. But their basic sense of entitlement has fueled their fury to unreasonable proportions.

4 Some people are angry because it makes them feel strong. They get a "high" from rage-fueled adrenaline that is like a powerful drug in their system—and isn't illegal.

4 Some people are angry because others around them have failed to protect them from the consequences of their misbehavior. They expect to be made happy, remember?

4 Some people are angry because they have been exposed as mean, or fearful or just plain shallow. The truth is so painful that they act out a blustery denial, believing that no one will then see the person they really are.

4 Some people are angry because they have learned to use aggressive behavior as a tool to get what they want or to avoid getting what they don't want.

Anger is a complicated emotion. Some scholarly folk say it is a basic emotion, while others say it is the secondary response to hurt, frustration, or fear. It helps me to know that the people around me who seem angry all the time are most likely not angry at me!

What observations have you made?

Marjorie

Home Schooling

The modern home-schooling movement began in the seventies and eighties when parents and some educators began to question the wisdom of the conventional education system. Long before that, however, before there were compulsory attendance laws, children learned at home the basics of growing and gathering food, caring for livestock, using tools, and making clothing. When they could be spared from house and field, they might spend brief periods under the tutelage of a parent or older sibling or a young woman in the community (single, of course) who knew readin', 'ritin', and 'rithmetic.

Whether we attended a public school or a private one, or whether we were taught by a tutor or parent at home, almost all of us have had "home-schooling." From early centuries until the present, we've been home-schooled in many things besides the three R's. (Only a few children have virtually raised themselves, like Topsy in Uncle Tom's Cabin who just "growed.") We learned the value of hard work—or not. We learned to respect the rights of others—or not. We learned honesty, loyalty, and faith in God—or not. We may have learned that there is money for booze but not shoes. We may have learned that crime does indeed pay—at least, in the short term. We may have learned that adults get their way by yelling, that a murmur of protest earns a smack in the face, and that no reason at all may bring on enraged blows. We may have learned that children don't count and, in particular, that girls don't count. We may have learned that the name of God precedes curses that make us feel small and weak and unloved.

Some things must be un-learned. Is there some word that you consistently find it difficult to spell because you did not learn it correctly in the first place? Do you split infinitives or dangle participles because no one taught you not to? (We also are not supposed to end sentences with prepositions, did you notice?) Are there certain number combinations that tend to trip you? Then you will find that you must pay attention to un-learning those mistaken lessons.

The same may be true of "home schooling." Not everything we learned from our elders is right just because they said so. Not everything is best practice just because it is what they did. Now that we are adults, making choices of our own, we must decide if what we learned back then is true and right. Is honesty really the best—or perhaps only—policy? Do nice guys, and girls, always finish last? Am I significant? Can people be trusted? Can God?

Where do we find the truth?

1. First of all, in what God says about us and how He says to live, described for us in the Scriptures. And then—not in order of their importance, which only the learner can determine—other places may be:
2. People whose lives demonstrate purpose and meaning, who know how to make relationships work—listening to them, asking questions.
3. Information sources such as books, articles, and recorded presentations.
4. Personal consultation/counseling which serve to give insight.
   

This is probably no longer "home" schooling. It is "advanced education" from which we never graduate.

Fortunately!

Marjorie

Live by What You Know

It's disheartening to be dismissed or rejected by people we do not know well, but we may feel a whole range of greater emotion if we are betrayed by someone we trusted: anger, disappointment, self-pity, even revenge. David expresses all of these in Psalm 55, written probably under the persecution of Saul and his adherents or when his own son Absalom conspired against him. "It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend. What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God. Let death stalk my enemies; let the grave swallow them alive, for evil makes its home within them." (verses 55:12-15)

But listen as David replies to himself. "But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice. He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, though many still oppose me. God, who has ruled forever, will hear me and humble them." (12-19)

Again he complains, "As for my companion, he betrayed his friends; he broke his promises. His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers!" And again, he assures and comforts himself, "Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." (20-22)

In many ways, David's experiences forecast those of the Lord Himself. He came unto His own and His own received Him not, the Scripture explains, and says further that He is (not just was, long ago) despised and rejected of men. Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests to arrange to betray Jesus to them. They were glad see him when they heard why he had come, and promised to give him money for his ugly deed. He began then to plan for an opportunity to betray Jesus. Worst of all, Jesus endured feeling abandoned and cried from the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Yet, at the very last, in spite of violence to body and soul, He acknowledged the presence of His Father by saying, "Into Thy hands I commend my spirit."

David had to live by what he knew rather than by what he could see or what he felt. Jesus had to live by what He knew rather than by what He could see or what He felt. When we feel hounded by circumstances, betrayed by people, perhaps even disappointed in ourselves, we are called to meet the challenge: Live by what you know, not by what you can see or what you feel.

Marjorie

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

A Little Bit Mad

Carefully, carefully, I'm going to write today about staying a little bit mad. I don't want you to misunderstand me and think that I am advocating living in a state of angry agitation. By using "mad" instead of "angry," although it's non-standard English, perhaps you will better understand my intent. One can be a little bit mad, I think, and not be furious, full of rage, and—dare I say it?—without sinning. I propose that to our own advantage, sometimes we need to stay a little bit mad.

When we have been mistreated, we need at some point, to let go of the need to retaliate. That is the Christian thing to do, and the healthy thing to do. Some would teach us that when you have truly forgiven an offense, you should also forget it. You may. But again, you may not. You may stay a little bit mad.

Some experiences are not easily forgotten, and indeed should not be, for we then proceed with a sense of caution that we did not have before. Some injuries propel us into advocacy for others who suffer similar indignities. Some show us where we have allowed others to take advantage of us. Some teach us that, following great personal harm, we can regain our balance and discover, "There is life after—" whatever.

I would never recommend to you the "mad" that is constantly simmering, that keeps you fearful or self-pitying, and that disturbs the peace of God that is to rule in our hearts. But that little bit of mad can be the energy that causes you to focus on what is good and right in your relationships. Without the determination that comes with a little "mad," it is easy to avoid the growth that is needed to become a whole and healthy Christian woman.

Marjorie