Willing to Help

You know, of course, the story of The Little Red Hen and her friends—a duck, a cat and a pig (or a goose and dog and whatever animal your favorite version has). The Little Red Hen found a grain of wheat and, deciding to plant it, she asked who would help.

"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the cat.
"Not I," said the pig.

The Little Red Hen asked for help many times: when it was time to cut the wheat, to thresh it and to grind it into flour, to bake the flour into bread. Each time, her unwilling friends responded, "Not I--not I--not I." To which The Little Red Hen responded each time, "Then I will." And she did.

When the bread had been baked, The Little Red Hen asked again, "Who will help me eat this bread?" Her friends replied eagerly,

"I will!" said the duck.
"I will!" said the cat.
"I will!" said the pig.

"Oh no, you won't!" said The Little Red Hen. "I will!" And she did.

I hope you can see the connection between this story and the account from Scripture of repairing the city of Jerusalem when the residents returned from exile. The high priest and his brethren led the way, apparently not considering that this was work for only common laborers. Some, the "nobles" from the town of Tekoa, refused to assist, but Nehemiah lists many others (chapter 3) who made themselves available. There are no expert builders and carpenters available? "Then we will!" said the priests, and goldsmiths, perfume makers, district leaders, merchants and women.

Women? Yes, the daughters of Shallum, leader of half the district of Jerusalem, helped their father with the work of reconstruction. No sons in the family? "Then we will!" said the daughters. And they did.

Were they sturdy teenagers who could tramp among the ruins to locate burned bricks and carry them to the building site? Or were they older women of means, perhaps heiresses or rich widows, who gave liberally to advance the project? Were there two of them—or six? We don't know, but they are the only women mentioned among men and their sons who made a significant contribution to the work.

Never believe that what we as women have to offer our family, our community, our church, or the Kingdom of God is unimportant. Often all it takes is seeing where we are meant to help and saying, "Then I will!" and doing it.

Marjorie

Kiss Your Elbow

When I was just a little girl, my older brothers teased me mercilessly for my inability to do the things they were able to do. They were bigger and stronger and older, and they were boys! They did hold out one bit of encouragement for me however: "If you can kiss your elbow, you will turn into a boy." I tried, I really did! But of course, I couldn't perform that feat of convolution, as they well knew. Eventually, I realized I had been duped and accepted my "inferior" position, a notion I eventually outgrew—thankfully!

The Apostle Paul took special pains to make sure believers understand that it makes no difference where the circumstances of life place us. "By faith in Christ you are in direct relationship with God. Your baptism in Christ was not just washing you up for a fresh start. It also involved dressing you in an adult faith wardrobe—Christ's life, the fulfillment of God's original promise. In Christ's family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ." (Galatians 3:26-28) Some might argue with this, saying: Of course it makes a difference! Racial minorities, and women, and the physically challenged, and the disadvantaged and other groups have always had to struggle for their rights. People have never treated them like they are equal!

Peter didn't think people were equal either. He was a strict Jew, and as such he knew it was unlawful for him to keep company with those who were not. But God, wanting to prepare Peter to give the Gospel to a Gentile (!) man along with many of his relatives and friends, sent a vision to Peter. He saw a great sheet lowered from heaven holding all kinds of animals, birds, and creeping things, some of them "unclean" and unfit for a law-keeping Jew to eat. A voice instructed Peter to kill and eat the creatures, but he was horrified. "Peter said, 'Oh, no, Lord. I've never so much as tasted food that was not kosher.' The voice came a second time: 'If God says it's okay, it's okay.' This happened three times, and then the blanket was pulled back up into the skies." (Acts 10:14-16)

Much of present society persists in observing differences. Does that truly matter? Again, it is Paul who writes, "It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don't even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I'm not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn't mean much. The Master makes that judgment." (I Corinthians 4:3, 4)

I wouldn't kiss my elbow if I could! God says we are all equal. If God says I'm okay, I'm okay!

Marjorie

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Getting Over It

On an errand this morning, I needed to pass through the intersection where a number of months ago an out-of-town driver sped through a red light and tore off the front of my car. Since that incident, I usually avoid this corner. Today I proceeded with caution and felt sure I was safe, but my body reacted with anxiety—butterflies in my stomach which fluttered about for the next several minutes. "This is ridiculous!" I told myself, but nonetheless, the queasiness told me I was not "over it" yet.

Getting over trauma is something we expect of ourselves, sometimes too much and too quickly. Of course, an accident in which no one was seriously injured, although the vehicles were totaled, can hardly be compared to other things that can and do happen in women's lives. A partner who deserts, the loss of a child, domestic abuse, a destructive fire or flood, grave illness, financial ruin—these are far worse. If an accident that occurred two years ago still wilts me, why would I expect any of us to rebound fully from more severe shock in less time than that? We are not always kind; in fact, our critics say that the church is the only army that shoots its own wounded.

Well, perhaps we wouldn't "shoot" a hurting woman; we would be more apt just to abandon her. Why would we not be gentle and supportive when we encounter such a woman? Why are we so uncomfortable around her? Very often, it is because we don't know what to say. Often, too many words just get in the way. "I am thinking of you," or "I'm praying for you" may be entirely adequate. But another reason can be fear. What if her disaster is "contagious"? What if my husband left me, my child died, my home burned, my uterus had a cancer? When we are around the one who experiences these, we may wonder if we too are vulnerable—and we pull away, just a bit, just in case. Realizing this, we should be able to understand a little better why we may not get the immediate response of hope and help from others when we are the suffering one.

And why are we so hard on ourselves? It is not helpful for us to hear from someone, "It's been however-many years now. Isn't it time . . ." Or "Are you still . . ." Yet often we say such things to ourselves, gathering shame for having feelings. Do not listen! I am not advocating long-term self-pity, but am simply recognizing that time alone is not a healer. No more than I could control the butterflies circling in my stomach can we control the flash of emotion when we encounter certain sights, sounds, or other triggers for something deeply experienced. Feel it, validate it, possibly learn from it, then release it again.

Marjorie

If you are interested in the topic of recovery after trauma, read some of Genny's story on this blog [here] and about Mrs. Job on "Finding the Faith Way" [here].

The Discomfort of Distinction

In the not-too-distant past, little girls were supposed to be pretty—and that's about all. Back then they were trained to be "nice," quiet, and deferential to their elders and to men and boys. That was before they excelled at sports, found out that they were as good at math as many of the fellows, or realized they too could become members of Congress, corporate presidents, airline pilots, and postal carriers.

Many modern girls do not hesitate to take on any challenge they wish, but if one lived in that earlier era, it can be uncomfortable to be outstanding. "Standing out" was painful, even if it was for achievement; discomfort accompanied distinction. I remember being embarrassed by having the best grade in second-year algebra; I was teased by the other students for being "smart." What they didn't know is that I cried over my homework, and spent before-school hours with the teacher patiently explaining things to me once more. Countless times throughout life, I hid my achievement so that my quiet efforts would not be rewarded with someone's taunts. Others may have been the target of unwelcome attention for their attractiveness, their interest in art or music, their congeniality or even their (father's) occupation and money. They too suffered from the discomfort of distinction.

Many women, especially those of the past couple of generations, have difficulty accepting the gifts God has given them, or what they have developed through their lifetime. Even if they can recognize their own abilities—which often they cannot—they hesitate to let them be seen by others and thus profitably used. Do you think the "parable of the talents" applies here? (Matthew 25:14-30)

The Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a
long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while
he was gone. He gave five talents (bags of silver) to one, two talents (bags of
silver) to another, and one talent (bag of silver) to the last—dividing it in
proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip. The servant who
received the five bags of silver invested his master's money and earned five
more. The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two
more. But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the
ground and hid the master’s money."

When the master returned from his trip, he called the servants to give an
account for what he had entrusted to them. The men to whom he had given
the five bags and the two bags came forward with the added earnings from their
investments. The master was full of praise and rewarded them with gracious
words and the promise of a celebration. Then the servant with the
one bag of silver came and said, "Master, I knew you were an exacting man. I was
afraid I would lose your money and disappoint you, so I hid it in the earth.
Look, here is your money back." The master called that servant wicked and
lazy and punished him for not making profitable use of what had been entrusted
to him.

Success can actually be painful for the person who prefers to remain unnoticed, especially if they have been taught that this is how they must act. While this may look like humility, sometimes it really is not. It is an over-developed consciousness of oneself. After all, the predominant motivation of the servant who hid the money instead of investing it was distrust of his master and fear for himself. Is it right for us to give less than the best we can to an endeavor because we are more conscious of what people think than of what the Master thinks? "Someone may think I'm showing off . . . or trying to act smart . . . or just getting attention . . . or whatever . . . "

No, go ahead and be the best chocolate cake baker and put your recipe in the church cookbook. It's okay if someone tells you how great your musical performance or your PTO chairmanship or your help at the community yard sale was; just say "Thank you." And don't be embarrassed by offering small things: a call, a casserole, a compliment.

Because what if Jesus were to think we are lazy and careless and afraid of Him?

Marjorie

Saying "No"

Perhaps I would like to give to the organizations that call for my donation: the veterans' groups, the Heart Association, the Diabetes Research Foundation, the Cancer Society, my alumni association, and the sponsors of law enforcement benefits. First of all, I don't buy or give over the phone—period. But if I did, would I be able to do all they ask, and still pay my utility bill? No.

I get letters in the mail too, and I'd like to send all of them a nice check: the veterans' groups and the Salvation Army and Easter Seals and a local hospice. All good causes, but can I do that and buy groceries too? No.

The United Way coordinator at work expects me to pledge. Every visiting missionary at church would like for me to pledge. The local NPR station wants me to pledge. Quasi-political organizations ask me to pledge. Can I respond to all of them? No.

A young salesman comes to the door: Will I buy candles or stationery so he can win a trip, and this will "keep young people off the street." The Girl Scouts come: Buy cookies so I can go to camp. A man comes with vacuum cleaners, another with citrus fruit. Am I able to buy stuff I don't really want or need to help people win prizes or even earn their livelihood? No. (The grandkids come: Grandma, will you buy cookie dough or refrigerator magnets or candles or stationery? Why yes, of course. That's different!)

And it isn't just money. "We need volunteers at the free-meal center . . . in our vacation Bible School . . . to be a literacy tutor . . . to be a Big Brother/Big Sister . . . at the re-sale store . . . to drive on the field trip." There is not time and energy enough to do all that. So the answer is "No."

Why is it so hard to say "No"? Often it is because we feel dumb, or we're anxious about the goodwill of others, or afterwards we feel guilty. But sometimes it is just because we have so seldom asserted our right to choose. We are the ones responsible for determining our behavior and realizing its consequences, and no amount of coercion should sway us from that. We do not have to justify our decision, even if it is illogical, by giving reasons or excuses. (Well, maybe to the grandkids!)

When should you say "No"? When "no" is what you want to say. When "no" is what you mean. If "no" is really the message, then don't say "Well . . ." or "I'm not sure . . ." Say "No," clearly and, if necessary, persistently.

How do you say "No"?
First, put your tongue to your palate just behind your front teeth, and vocalize. That is N.
Make a round opening with your lips; vocalize. That is O.
N-O.
There, that wasn't so hard, was it? With practice you can become quite fluent in this expression!

Marjorie

Ahead of the Culture

We don't always get a clear picture of Bible women when we extract only certain examples from the Scripture. There was the disobedient Eve and the treacherous Jezebel and Lot's reluctant wife. If we conclude that this is "how women were," we miss the grand challenge of Esther and Abigail and Mary of Bethany and the lesser-known Dorcas and the daughters of Zelophehad. If we focus on Abram's lies about his wife or Jephthah's ignorant treatment of his daughter and believe that all women were treated as property, we are not taking into account Elkanah's love for Hannah or Barak's confidence in Deborah's leadership. If we take a narrow view of Sarai as the submissive wife and of the silenced women at Corinth, we may say, "And this is how women should be." I doubt that there is any woman described in Scripture whose life we can take in every single aspect and relate it to our own.

­­­I have come to the conclusion that whatever one has determined a Christian woman should be, Scripture can be found to corroborate that view! Women have, for a long time, recognized that organized religion lags somewhat behind our other social institutions, in that it does not grant to a large number of them equal opportunities along with men to participate in ministry and leadership and to represent faithfully the cause of Christ. Most often the rationale for their exclusion is, "That rule is straight from the Bible. Just read . . . [whatever Scripture seems to support the position]."

If we do "just read the Scripture," we may find something quite different than we have supposed. God was not, and is not sexist. In both the Old and New Testaments, we find some women of faith who were remarkably ahead of the culture around them. Many scholars agree that Jesus brought new dignity to women by including them among His followers, but long before that, the creation passages tell us that both man and woman were created in God's image. "So God created man [not just a man, but a whole new species: human beings] in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27 NIV) I am quite confident that God did not intend us to be second-class citizens!

For some of us, claiming our selves as Christian women is an arduous task. Our religious training, our early authorities, and the role models they prescribed for us have a great impact on how we see ourselves. We cannot change those early influences, but we can examine them. It is not wrong to do so, in fact, it is essential to spiritual growth. Part of maturity is learning to evaluate our beliefs. "Is what I am thinking based on what the Scripture says or only on what someone says it says? Am I considering the whole tone of Scripture or only a selection of 'proof' texts? Has more recent Biblical scholarship improved the understanding we had fifty or a hundred or two hundred years ago?"

A huge factor in how we see ourselves is how we presently permit others to relate to us. Here it is difficult to determine—like deciding which came first, the chicken or the egg—what is cause and what is effect. In some sense, we teach people how they can treat us by what we think of our own selves; on the other hand, how people treat us affects that self-evaluation. Whichever it is, cause or effect, we as individuals are the only ones who can break the unhappy cycle. Whether by personal reflection, serious Bible study, counsel from others, re-framing the past, or intellectual decision, gaining an appropriate self-esteem is a goal to be pursued. You may or may not be ahead of most of the culture around you, but wherever your opinion comes to rest along the wide spectrum of thought concerning the wisdom and worth of women, there will be others on either side!

You can probably even find a Biblical counterpart!

Marjorie

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.