Many people have used the line that titles this article. It sells books and articles, programs of hypnotherapy and inner healing, workshops, and even a nutritional supplement. People like novelist Tom Robbins and motivational speaker Wayne Dwyer say it's so, and I believe it as well.
You may be quite aware that some infants exhibit the syndrome called "failure to thrive." They simply do not grow as they should. In many of these cases there is no apparent organic disorder; the growth failure occurs because of environmental neglect (basically, lack of food which can be caused in a number of ways) or stimulus deprivation. Stimulation may be lacking because of the caregivers' anxiety, apathy, hostility or other stresses not all of which are the adult's "fault." The baby can become depressed, apathetic, and ultimately unwilling or unable to eat.
News to me, although perhaps not to you, is the geriatric syndrome, "failure to thrive." Some elderly patients with declining health and strength, including those who do not have an acute illness or a severe chronic disease, undergo a process of functional decline, progressive apathy, and a loss of willingness to eat and drink that ends in death. Often the cause of the deterioration is not identifiable, but it should not be dismissed as a necessary part of aging. All of this to say: The medical profession recognizes that at both ends of life, it is critical to receive the care we need—not only physical nourishment, but the comfort, acceptance, and hope that others can provide. And all the years in between, we never outgrow that need.
Although our physical growth may not have been stunted by some degree of negligence, nevertheless, some of us still have inside us the little person we once were who did not have the opportunity to flourish. We grew into adolescence and then adulthood with some basic needs unmet, in most cases not because we were not loved, but because our parents or guardians did not know how to nurture a child. They probably had inside of themselves the little persons they once were who had not been nurtured. If we did not—and if we do not—receive the encouragement and acceptance we need from others, we must be certain to provide it for ourselves.
Part of growing up is learning how to take care of oneself: how to bathe and how to fry an egg, how to press clothes and drive safely, how to write a check and get up in time for work. What we sometimes never learn, because we don't realize that we need to, is how to make good decisions, how to love and forgive, how to trust and treat ourselves with respect, how to be happy. If we did not learn it earlier, that is our task as a grownup now.
Some people take this very literally, suggesting that you spend time with your "inner child" every day, breathing deeply and noticing what she wants and needs. Do some of your favorite childhood activities. (Sorry, I just can't see myself climbing trees again!) Find and frame a photo from your childhood; talk to that adorable little girl and enjoy her company. Hang out with children. Bring back naptime; curl up with a blankie and have a nap. (Now this I can see!)
If you had a less-than-happy childhood, and these are helpful, then by all means, enjoy! But the real issue, I think, is creating for our selves the same atmosphere of warmth and caring that lets infants and the elderly thrive. Having a happy childhood at a later stage of life may include—but does not necessarily require—re-creating those younger days, doing all the fun stuff you missed, making up for some earlier, real or imagined deprivation. What it might mean is a healthful diet or dental care or counseling that was out of reach when we were children. It might mean going back to school or traveling or taking up an interest that was not possible before. It might mean telling family members or friends, "I need your support in this."
If we think about it, we are probably not all that far from knowing what it means.
Marjorie
Read from my other blog, "Finding the Faith Way," the article Goodbye to a Person You Once Knew.
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