For Such a Time As This

For over a century, The Ladies Home Journal has had a strong influence on its readers, now numbering in the millions. The motto of the magazine for many of those years has been, "Never underestimate the power of a woman." What does that mean? That women are smarter and more capable than you might expect? That women aren't given credit for their strengths? That there's more to a woman than meets the eye? That a woman can do anything a man can do and some things that he cannot? The declaration is perhaps not as aggressive as it might seem, given that the slogan came into use in 1945. Probably it was intended to recognize the value of women's work in the war effort and the tough resilience they demonstrated by maintaining homes and businesses while their men were away in battle.

The motto reminds me of the story of Esther in the Bible. Although the king underestimated the young Jewish woman he took as his queen, her cousin Mordecai did not. The king had been tricked by an evil man into issuing the edict that would wipe out all the Jews in the Kingdom. Mordecai pleaded with Esther to go to the king and beg for action that would spare their people. She was hesitant, for anyone approaching the throne without being summoned could be executed. Mordecai sent the insistent message, "Don't think that just because you live in the king's house you're the one Jew who will get out of this alive. If you persist in staying silent at a time like this, help and deliverance will arrive for the Jews from someplace else; but you and your family will be wiped out. Who knows? Maybe you were made queen for just such a time as this." (Esther 4:13, 14) Esther obeyed, and changed the course of Jewish history.

Who knows what effect your own life can have on those around you? Don't underestimate your power, your influence, or your contribution to the Kingdom of God! He has placed you exactly where you are for just such a time as this, Why then, you may wonder, do I not see anything happening? Why does what I say and do not make any difference?

Oh, but it does! Fifty years ago, a scientist named Edward Lorenz was using a numerical computer model to make weather predictions. What he found was that an extremely tiny change in initial conditions, when they evolved exponentially over time, resulted in a completely different weather outcome. The slightest disturbance, say by the flapping wings of a gull or a butterfly, would eventually be amplified to such an extent that large-scale atmospheric motions were created and long-term weather behavior became impossible to predict. (So that explains why the local weatherman cannot always get it right!)

Lorenz's talk in 1972 before the American Association for the Advancement of Science was titled, "Predictability: Does the Flap of a Butterfly's Wings in Brazil Set off a Tornado in Texas?" A butterfly, of course, could not create the tornado in the sense of providing the energy for the wind. It does represent, though, an infinitesimal part of the initial conditions that resulted in a tornado, and without the flap, that particular tornado would not have existed in the form it did. Thus, Lorenz's "butterfly effect."

In the dynamic structure that is our life in a world with other people, can you see that our actions and words have a butterfly effect too? What we do or say, even as tiny as the flutter of butterfly wings, does have powerful significance. We may not see it immediately, or perhaps we never will. Nevertheless, it sets in motion changes that eventually matter. Don't underestimate your power as a woman. Who knows but that you may have come to the Kingdom for such a time as this?

Marjorie

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Information on the "butterfly effect" from http://www.cmp.caltech.edu/~mcc/chaos_new/Lorenz.html and
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect

Affirmation

All through elementary school and high school, I loved my teachers. They encouraged me and gave me interesting things to do when my assigned work was completed. I remember "writing a book," illustrated with pictures I had drawn or cut out of magazines. I was in the 8th grade, I think, and the story was a recap of the long historical poem "Evangeline" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I was engrossed in that project for a long time, and so pleased with my finished work—because the teacher was pleased. I was not accustomed to such response. I realize now that she thought to create "busy work" for me, but in reality she was feeding a sensitive spirit and a busy, creative mind.

Mother Teresa declared that there is more hunger in this world for love and appreciation than there is for bread. She saw real, terrible hunger in Calcutta, and yet she saw a need for something more than food to sustain the human spirit. How do we get the affirmation we need?

One of the truths Jesus taught—I'll venture to say it is a spiritual principle—was "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Luke 6:38) So what we want to receive, we must learn to give. "If you wish your merit to be known," an Oriental proverb says, "acknowledge that of other people." Too often, we fear if others receive notice or praise or reward, we will have to do without. That's not true! Affirmation, appreciation, encouragement, validation—these are "renewable resources" in the personal sense. It is not as though there is only so much of them in the world, and if someone gets a lot, you and I may not get what should come our way!

We sometimes mistakenly expect our affirmation and appreciation to come from those whom we choose. Ideally, perhaps, it would have been my own parents who encouraged my abilities. But they had little opportunity to identify them, and few resources to further their development. Jesus' words about receiving just as we have given say nothing about the source of our benefits. Those do not necessarily come as a direct return. They will likely come from another person, from God Himself, or even from our own sense of satisfaction, at another time, and in another place.

Sometimes we write for people who don't read or make music for people who don't listen. We cook for people who don't sit down to eat or rear children who turn out to be ungrateful. Well, we may be looking for appreciation from the wrong people! We might try somewhere else: sharing our story with a writing group, singing or playing our song to another person who makes music, creating that special dish for the folks at work, being the classroom mother who can be counted on. There's nothing wrong with wanting affirmation. We just have to learn where to look for it.

Marjorie

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved

Quotations at http://quotations.about.com/cs/inspirationquotes/a/Appreciation1.htm

It's Never Too Late to Have a Happy Childhood

Many people have used the line that titles this article. It sells books and articles, programs of hypnotherapy and inner healing, workshops, and even a nutritional supplement. People like novelist Tom Robbins and motivational speaker Wayne Dwyer say it's so, and I believe it as well.

You may be quite aware that some infants exhibit the syndrome called "failure to thrive." They simply do not grow as they should. In many of these cases there is no apparent organic disorder; the growth failure occurs because of environmental neglect (basically, lack of food which can be caused in a number of ways) or stimulus deprivation. Stimulation may be lacking because of the caregivers' anxiety, apathy, hostility or other stresses not all of which are the adult's "fault." The baby can become depressed, apathetic, and ultimately unwilling or unable to eat.

News to me, although perhaps not to you, is the geriatric syndrome, "failure to thrive." Some elderly patients with declining health and strength, including those who do not have an acute illness or a severe chronic disease, undergo a process of functional decline, progressive apathy, and a loss of willingness to eat and drink that ends in death. Often the cause of the deterioration is not identifiable, but it should not be dismissed as a necessary part of aging. All of this to say: The medical profession recognizes that at both ends of life, it is critical to receive the care we need—not only physical nourishment, but the comfort, acceptance, and hope that others can provide. And all the years in between, we never outgrow that need.

Although our physical growth may not have been stunted by some degree of negligence, nevertheless, some of us still have inside us the little person we once were who did not have the opportunity to flourish. We grew into adolescence and then adulthood with some basic needs unmet, in most cases not because we were not loved, but because our parents or guardians did not know how to nurture a child. They probably had inside of themselves the little persons they once were who had not been nurtured. If we did not—and if we do not—receive the encouragement and acceptance we need from others, we must be certain to provide it for ourselves.

Part of growing up is learning how to take care of oneself: how to bathe and how to fry an egg, how to press clothes and drive safely, how to write a check and get up in time for work. What we sometimes never learn, because we don't realize that we need to, is how to make good decisions, how to love and forgive, how to trust and treat ourselves with respect, how to be happy. If we did not learn it earlier, that is our task as a grownup now.

Some people take this very literally, suggesting that you spend time with your "inner child" every day, breathing deeply and noticing what she wants and needs. Do some of your favorite childhood activities. (Sorry, I just can't see myself climbing trees again!) Find and frame a photo from your childhood; talk to that adorable little girl and enjoy her company. Hang out with children. Bring back naptime; curl up with a blankie and have a nap. (Now this I can see!)

If you had a less-than-happy childhood, and these are helpful, then by all means, enjoy! But the real issue, I think, is creating for our selves the same atmosphere of warmth and caring that lets infants and the elderly thrive. Having a happy childhood at a later stage of life may include—but does not necessarily require—re-creating those younger days, doing all the fun stuff you missed, making up for some earlier, real or imagined deprivation. What it might mean is a healthful diet or dental care or counseling that was out of reach when we were children. It might mean going back to school or traveling or taking up an interest that was not possible before. It might mean telling family members or friends, "I need your support in this."

If we think about it, we are probably not all that far from knowing what it means.

Marjorie

Read from my other blog, "Finding the Faith Way," the article Goodbye to a Person You Once Knew.

Jubilee!

Jubilee!

Life is not downhill after fifty! In fact, quite a number of authors have written books about how to make the after-fifty years healthy, productive—and fun:

-- Portfolio Life : The New Path to Work, Purpose, and Passion After 50

-- Fitness After 50

-- Second Careers : New Ways to Work After 50

-- Dr. Ruth's Sex After 50 : Revving Up the Romance, Passion & Excitement!

-- Writing After Fifty: How to Find-Enjoy-and Make Money from a New Career as a Writer After You Retire [What I'm doing, except the part about making money!]

I don't know if it is realistic or not, but I like to think of fifty or thereabouts as the halfway point, and apparently I am not alone in that. Other writers spell it out:

-- Encore : Finding Work That Matters in the Second Half of Life

-- The Creative Age" Awakening Human Potential in the Second Half of Life

-- Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the Second Half of Life

And my very favorite title:

-- I'm Not as Old As I Used to Be: Reclaiming Your life in the Second Half

Tomorrow is my birthday—somewhat beyond fifty years and well into the second half of life. (I plan to be a very old lady!) The year I would be turning fifty, I badly needed fresh hope for the years ahead. I was five years past a painful divorce, but still living in a world of hurt. As a stressed-out single mom, I was working full-time and attending classes for a graduate degree. I knew about the Old Testament laws that provided rest for the land every Sabbatical (seventh) year. After seven seven's, the fiftieth year was the Year of Jubilee. This was a time of great celebration when the land was returned to its original owners, slaves were freed, and debts were forgiven.

"It seems to me," I said to the Lord, "that this fiftieth year should be a year of jubilee for me. I don't expect my financial obligations to be erased, but would You please release me from this oppressive sense of guilt and worry, and restore the peace that is rightfully mine as one of Your children?"

And He did! At an unexpected moment some months later, a few simple words from His heart to mine just washed away the accumulation of rejection and fear and self-doubt. Circumstances did not change, but my outlook did. Life again held meaning and promise. The years since my Year of Jubilee have been far more rewarding than the years before. I'm not nearly as old as I used to be!

I share my experience sometimes, and tell women to relish the possibilities that lie ahead. Whichever side of fifty you are on, you can expect fifty-plus to be good. You can look ahead to that mark and plan for the second half of life to be full and rich, or you can look back to that mark and make up for some lost time if need be! "Fifty and better" is not just an advertising catch-phrase for magazines and banks and community activity centers. It's the truth, if you decide to have a Jubilee!

Marjorie