A Memorial and a Name

In long ago days, a harem-keeper or sometimes a chamberlain was an emasculated man. The Old Testament law excluded these "mutilated" men, and foreigners also, from service in high religious offices. Certainly their lament might have been, "I have no children, no one to carry on my name, no future." The prophet Isaiah, however, pronounced wonderful blessing for these who were lacking a position of privilege. Today, our access is no longer according to the narrow legal regulations of the former time, and everyone may enjoy spiritual blessing. Perhaps, though, those who have been disenfranchised by society's intolerance may have a particular right to appropriate these verses (which I've adapted a bit.)

“Don’t let foreigners who commit themselves to the LORD say, ‘The LORD will never let me be part of his people.’ And don’t let the [forgotten ones] say, ‘I’m a dried-up tree with no children and no future.’ For this is what the LORD says: I will bless those [lonely ones] who keep my Sabbath days holy and who choose to do what pleases me and commit their lives to me. I will give them—within the walls of my house—a memorial and a name far greater than sons and daughters could give. For the name I give them is an everlasting one. It will never disappear!" (Isaiah 56:3-5)

An inheritance of sons and daughters brings with it care and sometimes, along with delight, more than a little grief and shame. The blessings we receive from God, however, are not bitter. "The blessing of the Lord makes a person rich, and he adds no sorrow with it." (Proverbs 10:22) Spiritual blessings are far greater than having sons and daughters, as much as a person may desire them. Three things are gifts:

In the present, a welcome: No one, regardless of their position in life, should ever say, "I can't be one of God's people; I'm not good enough." Of course, no one is! We are redeemed, and we are made welcome by the worthiness of Christ our Lord.

For the past, acceptance and a memorial that reminds watching worlds that this child of God has been faithful and obedient through the most difficult of circumstances.

For the future, an everlasting name. John the Revelator wrote, "To everyone who is victorious . . . I [Christ] will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it." We cannot fathom what that means, but what a special treasure!

Never suppose, if life has passed you by in some way, that you are the loser for it. God has a way of restoring what has been lost or stolen.

Marjorie

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004.  Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America.  All rights reserved.

Live by What You Know

It's disheartening to be dismissed or rejected by people we do not know well, but we may feel a whole range of greater emotion if we are betrayed by someone we trusted: anger, disappointment, self-pity, even revenge. David expresses all of these in Psalm 55, written probably under the persecution of Saul and his adherents or when his own son Absalom conspired against him. "It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend. What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God. Let death stalk my enemies; let the grave swallow them alive, for evil makes its home within them." (verses 55:12-15)

But listen as David replies to himself. "But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice. He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, though many still oppose me. God, who has ruled forever, will hear me and humble them." (12-19)

Again he complains, "As for my companion, he betrayed his friends; he broke his promises. His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers!" And again, he assures and comforts himself, "Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." (20-22)

In many ways, David's experiences forecast those of the Lord Himself. He came unto His own and His own received Him not, the Scripture explains, and says further that He is (not just was, long ago) despised and rejected of men. Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests to arrange to betray Jesus to them. They were glad see him when they heard why he had come, and promised to give him money for his ugly deed. He began then to plan for an opportunity to betray Jesus. Worst of all, Jesus endured feeling abandoned and cried from the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Yet, at the very last, in spite of violence to body and soul, He acknowledged the presence of His Father by saying, "Into Thy hands I commend my spirit."

David had to live by what he knew rather than by what he could see or what he felt. Jesus had to live by what He knew rather than by what He could see or what He felt. When we feel hounded by circumstances, betrayed by people, perhaps even disappointed in ourselves, we are called to meet the challenge: Live by what you know, not by what you can see or what you feel.

Marjorie

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Acting As If

The Rev. Samuel M. Shoemaker gets credit for originating the "Act As If" practice that is popular in Alcoholics Anonymous and other Twelve Step programs. The principles of those steps grew out of the Oxford Group based at Calvary Episcopal Church in New York City where Shoemaker was Rector of the Church and spiritual leader of the Oxford Group. It is he who provided the early inspiration for the spiritual aspects of twelve-step programs, and began using the phrase, "act as if" about 1954. Some naysayers insist that "acting as if" is deceiving oneself, putting on a front for others, or even lying!

I think, however, it comes down to the matter of motive. If we are trying to convince ourselves that we are a superior being, yes, that is deception. If we intend to trick others into believing that we are something that we are not, yes, that is lying. However, affirming what we believe and hope for and beginning to act on it strengthens our belief and hope.

Acting as if does not mean writing checks as if I have money in the bank when I do not.
Acting as if does not mean feigning calm as if I cannot feel hurt or disappointment or anger. Acting as if does not mean working day and night as if I need no rest or self-care.

Acting as if is facing reality and responding appropriately.
Acting as if is intentional in cultivating healthy relationships.
Acting as if is assertive (neither passive nor aggressive) personal behavior.
Acting as if means beginning now to take the action or speak the words I would if I were already the person I want to become!

How would you act if you were not shy, or ashamed, or afraid? Act as if you are not.

How would a self-confident, interesting person act? How would a person act who respected others and herself/himself? Start acting that way.

How would a woman act who believed God valued her and had Divine purpose for her life? Act like her.

Acting as if is decisive. Acting as if involves action based on more than feeling. Acting as if purposes to align us with what is true.

Marjorie

Restorative Justice

Here is what churches may do for those who have suffered childhood sexual abuse.

* Acknowledge that child abuse is an issue.
If the Church is doing its job, there are going to be sinners in the crowd, some openly acknowledging their condition, others wearing a cloak of respectable church-ianity. The community of God's people is not exempt from sexual misconduct. If it were, we would not have many verses of Biblical injunction recorded in Leviticus and Deuteronomy and in Paul's epistles.

I have been attending church all my life, quite a long while now, and I cannot remember ever having heard a caution mentioned regarding child abuse in the home.. Of course, for half of my lifetime, sexual matters were hardly discussed anywhere—not even between husband and wife, not even in the doctor's office, and just barely with your children. But with the "sexual revolution" of the 60's, that changed. So let's say, it's been forty years of church-going for me. I estimate I've attended six thousand regular church services and countless other church-related activities. I've heard, "Protect our children from an evil-intentioned stranger"—yes, but never, "Mothers, teach your children respect for their bodies. Be alert. Listen to your kids. Believe them." I've never heard, "Dads, you have a holy responsibility to live a love that reflects that of the Heavenly Father. Teach your kids what is right to expect from the men in their lives."

* Provide protection.
Churches have a double responsibility to protect children in the faith community: a legal liability, depending on the state law, and a spiritual accountability to the Master who said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them!" (Luke 18:16) It is not enough to warn children—and their parents and caregivers—about "stranger danger." Some churches have elaborate systems to prevent children being taken away from nurseries, classrooms, or day-care centers by unauthorized persons. Many churches have taken steps to see that the children's workers are carefully screened, and they use every precaution to avoid even an appearance of impropriety. Yet in these same churches, it is often true that no one would dare question the parents of children who manifest definite signs of abuse.

Laws vary from state to state about reporting child abuse, but most say something like this: "Any medical practitioner; school or day-care professional; law enforcement officer; registered or licensed nurse, social worker, psychologist or employee of social services who has reasonable cause to believe that a child (or developmentally disabled person) has suffered abuse or neglect, must report such incident or cause a report to be made to the appropriate public protection agency"—this within a certain time frame, such as forty-eight hours. While some states' laws may exempt the clergy, or be unclear about required reporting, it is in the best interest of children for the Church to take some responsibility for their welfare and to report abuse appropriately. Churches often require their staff, paid and volunteer, to report suspected abuse first to a designated pastor or church officer, and strict confidentiality measures are in place.

I understand the Church's desire to protect parents as much as is legally possible from undue interference by outside authority. So some churches take steps to interview the parents, with or without the person who has concluded there is "reasonable cause" to suspect abuse. Others are not in the investigative business at all and will leave the matter entirely up to the public system. Either way, there is a price to pay: the suspected or guilty offender is likely just to withdraw from that faith community or, if he decides to stay, there will be time and effort involved in keeping a supportive relationship with him and the family (This does not exclude the need for professional counseling for any or all of the family members; indeed, it is probably essential.) Being "under Church discipline" is difficult for everyone involved.

If you are in a place of church leadership, although this may not be a personal issue for you, become informed and be alert. The Church has been asleep on this issue. It is time to take a stand, and that must be before it happens. "This is not right. This is a crime. This will not be tolerated."

* Seek to restore the wounded.
It is an injustice to both victim and offender for us to agree tacitly, "Well, probably nothing happened. Or if it did, it's over now." It's not over now. Neither of the individuals will be healed without restorative justice done—some recompense to the victim and some cost to the perpetrator. Even if the legal system has exacted a penalty from the offender, it is the work of the Church to offer healing and redemption.

One woman who had been wronged said, "I don't want him to go to hell. I just want him to be sorry. Is it wrong for me to want him to be sorry?" Of course, it is not wrong. The God who made us in His image is a just God. We want justice. We do not have to wish evil on an offender (although it is really difficult not to); the very least we can ask is for him to be sorry. I don't wish for the Church to become cruel or harsh, but perhaps confession needs to be made to responsible church personnel who can outline a program of restoration somewhat similar to that for clergy who fail morally. It's not likely that anyone who submits to this discipline of repentance, professional intervention, and accountability will repeat the behavior that brought them down. Nevertheless, strong safeguards must be put in place to protect him and his victim(s), so that it cannot be repeated.

* And if the offender does not accept blame, what then?
This is the "Nothing Happened" scenario I discussed in my previous entry. In addition to outright denial, there are the situations where the offender is long gone to parts unknown or even has died before the victim can bring herself to speak of her experience. And I know of some instances where the girl/young woman, now fully mature, has decided not to confront her abuser. Then what?

Not every church has a well-trained counseling staff. Those who do should periodically make known their ability to deal with the issues faced by adult women who endured childhood sexual abuse. Those who do not have such counselors must let women know that church personnel are ready to refer them to qualified counselors whom they themselves would trust. A woman with deep, unresolved issues needs someone to understand her pain—even if the offender will not/cannot admit to causing it. I'm not sure how God deals with such, but I do know what Jesus said. “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble [speaking specifically of a child that was present], it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea." (Mark 9:42) If there is no legal or ecclesiastical recourse, then it's completely up to God. The ultimate judgment of the offender's guilt and repentance can be safely left in God's hands.

If anger and bitterness, fear and shame are allowed to grow in a woman's heart, they will destroy her. Forgiveness of others and acceptance of herself, however long it takes for that to grow, is her hope for health and emotional well-being. To illustrate this: When a person has been stung by a honeybee, the stinger remains embedded in the skin, pulsing its venom. The longer the stinger is allowed to remain, the greater the amount of poison is pumped in. In childhood sexual abuse, a life has had poison inflicted upon it, and the stinger may still be there, forcing in a stream of venom. The message of Christ and His Church can offer the hope of restoration. "O death [and death-making experiences of life], where is your sting?" Death, where is your stinger? Shame, where is your stinger? Anger, where is your stinger? "Thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ." (I Corinthians 15:55, 57)

Marjorie

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Jubilee!

Jubilee!

Life is not downhill after fifty! In fact, quite a number of authors have written books about how to make the after-fifty years healthy, productive—and fun:

-- Portfolio Life : The New Path to Work, Purpose, and Passion After 50

-- Fitness After 50

-- Second Careers : New Ways to Work After 50

-- Dr. Ruth's Sex After 50 : Revving Up the Romance, Passion & Excitement!

-- Writing After Fifty: How to Find-Enjoy-and Make Money from a New Career as a Writer After You Retire [What I'm doing, except the part about making money!]

I don't know if it is realistic or not, but I like to think of fifty or thereabouts as the halfway point, and apparently I am not alone in that. Other writers spell it out:

-- Encore : Finding Work That Matters in the Second Half of Life

-- The Creative Age" Awakening Human Potential in the Second Half of Life

-- Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the Second Half of Life

And my very favorite title:

-- I'm Not as Old As I Used to Be: Reclaiming Your life in the Second Half

Tomorrow is my birthday—somewhat beyond fifty years and well into the second half of life. (I plan to be a very old lady!) The year I would be turning fifty, I badly needed fresh hope for the years ahead. I was five years past a painful divorce, but still living in a world of hurt. As a stressed-out single mom, I was working full-time and attending classes for a graduate degree. I knew about the Old Testament laws that provided rest for the land every Sabbatical (seventh) year. After seven seven's, the fiftieth year was the Year of Jubilee. This was a time of great celebration when the land was returned to its original owners, slaves were freed, and debts were forgiven.

"It seems to me," I said to the Lord, "that this fiftieth year should be a year of jubilee for me. I don't expect my financial obligations to be erased, but would You please release me from this oppressive sense of guilt and worry, and restore the peace that is rightfully mine as one of Your children?"

And He did! At an unexpected moment some months later, a few simple words from His heart to mine just washed away the accumulation of rejection and fear and self-doubt. Circumstances did not change, but my outlook did. Life again held meaning and promise. The years since my Year of Jubilee have been far more rewarding than the years before. I'm not nearly as old as I used to be!

I share my experience sometimes, and tell women to relish the possibilities that lie ahead. Whichever side of fifty you are on, you can expect fifty-plus to be good. You can look ahead to that mark and plan for the second half of life to be full and rich, or you can look back to that mark and make up for some lost time if need be! "Fifty and better" is not just an advertising catch-phrase for magazines and banks and community activity centers. It's the truth, if you decide to have a Jubilee!

Marjorie