A Memorial and a Name

In long ago days, a harem-keeper or sometimes a chamberlain was an emasculated man. The Old Testament law excluded these "mutilated" men, and foreigners also, from service in high religious offices. Certainly their lament might have been, "I have no children, no one to carry on my name, no future." The prophet Isaiah, however, pronounced wonderful blessing for these who were lacking a position of privilege. Today, our access is no longer according to the narrow legal regulations of the former time, and everyone may enjoy spiritual blessing. Perhaps, though, those who have been disenfranchised by society's intolerance may have a particular right to appropriate these verses (which I've adapted a bit.)

“Don’t let foreigners who commit themselves to the LORD say, ‘The LORD will never let me be part of his people.’ And don’t let the [forgotten ones] say, ‘I’m a dried-up tree with no children and no future.’ For this is what the LORD says: I will bless those [lonely ones] who keep my Sabbath days holy and who choose to do what pleases me and commit their lives to me. I will give them—within the walls of my house—a memorial and a name far greater than sons and daughters could give. For the name I give them is an everlasting one. It will never disappear!" (Isaiah 56:3-5)

An inheritance of sons and daughters brings with it care and sometimes, along with delight, more than a little grief and shame. The blessings we receive from God, however, are not bitter. "The blessing of the Lord makes a person rich, and he adds no sorrow with it." (Proverbs 10:22) Spiritual blessings are far greater than having sons and daughters, as much as a person may desire them. Three things are gifts:

In the present, a welcome: No one, regardless of their position in life, should ever say, "I can't be one of God's people; I'm not good enough." Of course, no one is! We are redeemed, and we are made welcome by the worthiness of Christ our Lord.

For the past, acceptance and a memorial that reminds watching worlds that this child of God has been faithful and obedient through the most difficult of circumstances.

For the future, an everlasting name. John the Revelator wrote, "To everyone who is victorious . . . I [Christ] will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it." We cannot fathom what that means, but what a special treasure!

Never suppose, if life has passed you by in some way, that you are the loser for it. God has a way of restoring what has been lost or stolen.

Marjorie

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004.  Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America.  All rights reserved.

Who Am I?

We often short-change ourselves by accepting an incomplete definition of "who am I?" We explain who we are by saying I'm Jake's wife or Bobby's mother, Susie's piano teacher or debate coach. We introduce ourselves by what we do: I am the president at BigStuff Productions, I am a CPA, I'm a pest exterminator. An unfortunate thing about such identity markers is that they don't last. How will the woman define herself when Jake is no longer in the picture, Bobby has grown up and left home, or she isn't able to give piano lessons any more? What happens when the company president or the CPA retires, and if pest control is done by huge municipal enterprises?

Sometimes, and often without realizing it, we define ourselves—especially to ourselves—by some experience in our past. "I am the adult child of an alcoholic," "I am the victim of a rape," "I was abused as a child," "I'm a divorcee," "I served time in prison," "I killed people during the war." It's completely understandable that circumstances like these would mark indelibly the one who experienced them. It's not wise or right to minimize the ensuing trauma; I clearly favor getting appropriate support services along with professional help as needed.

However, the sooner one can let go of the limited naming of oneself the better. "I am not that role or that job; it cannot define me. I am something even bigger and better." And the sooner one can let go of the negative naming of oneself the better. "I am not that experience. My divorce—my mother's alcoholism—my abuse—my crime does not define me. I am something other than, and more than, that trauma."

I am made in the image of God.
I am His child, redeemed by the Savior.
I am called by name, and tenderly led by the Great Shepherd.
I am choice in God's sight, the "apple of His eye."
I have an advocate in Jesus, someone who stands up for me.
I am part of the Body of Christ, placed there with purpose.
I have gifts to share, given by the Spirit of God.
I have eternity in my heart—now and forever.

Who am I? What defines me? Who God says I am.

Marjorie

"My Bad"

Matt was accused of creating the problems in his domestic life, and right or wrong, he accepted the blame. Doing so, made him look like a bad person. But I know Matt, and I know he is not a bad person. So that caused me to start pondering—"Are blame for doing a bad thing and being bad really the same thing? Why do we mix them up?"

I grew up thinking they were much the same. Back then, if someone said, "It's your fault," I took that to mean, "Then you are a bad person." We had not yet come to saying as in today's vernacular, "My bad," meaning "I did something wrong, or foolish, or just by mistake." This admission does not carry the sense that I believe that I am a bad person or that you will think I am. And that is quite a good thing.

Good people and well-meaning people sometimes do bad things. Abraham lied, twice, about his relationship to his wife beautiful Sarah, pitting her at risk. King David dallied with a female subject and subsequently planned the murder of her husband. Peter adamantly refused to extend the Gospel past his own ethnicity. Paul's confessed that he, with his impeccable heritage, was the worst of all sinners.

These same individuals, repentant and redeemed, were not bad people. Abraham was known as a friend of God, and David was called a man after God's own heart. Peter accepted the Divine instruction that the Gospel was for Gentiles also. Paul declared at life's end, "I have kept the faith, and there's a crown for me." Obviously, admitting that "Yes, I am a sinner; yes, I have behaved like a sinner" does not make a person beyond the reach of grace.

A trick that Satan is fond of sung on Christians: the belief that they are irretrievably bad. Standing up to our responsibility, admitting "my bad," is very different from defeatedly bowing under constant blame heaped on by the devil or by unhappy people or even by our own hopeful selves. Instead, "I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels." (Isaiah 61:10)

What an exchange! My "badness" or fearful sense of "badness" for His goodness!

Marjorie

Scripture quotation taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Live by What You Know

It's disheartening to be dismissed or rejected by people we do not know well, but we may feel a whole range of greater emotion if we are betrayed by someone we trusted: anger, disappointment, self-pity, even revenge. David expresses all of these in Psalm 55, written probably under the persecution of Saul and his adherents or when his own son Absalom conspired against him. "It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend. What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God. Let death stalk my enemies; let the grave swallow them alive, for evil makes its home within them." (verses 55:12-15)

But listen as David replies to himself. "But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice. He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, though many still oppose me. God, who has ruled forever, will hear me and humble them." (12-19)

Again he complains, "As for my companion, he betrayed his friends; he broke his promises. His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers!" And again, he assures and comforts himself, "Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." (20-22)

In many ways, David's experiences forecast those of the Lord Himself. He came unto His own and His own received Him not, the Scripture explains, and says further that He is (not just was, long ago) despised and rejected of men. Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests to arrange to betray Jesus to them. They were glad see him when they heard why he had come, and promised to give him money for his ugly deed. He began then to plan for an opportunity to betray Jesus. Worst of all, Jesus endured feeling abandoned and cried from the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Yet, at the very last, in spite of violence to body and soul, He acknowledged the presence of His Father by saying, "Into Thy hands I commend my spirit."

David had to live by what he knew rather than by what he could see or what he felt. Jesus had to live by what He knew rather than by what He could see or what He felt. When we feel hounded by circumstances, betrayed by people, perhaps even disappointed in ourselves, we are called to meet the challenge: Live by what you know, not by what you can see or what you feel.

Marjorie

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Pleasing Everybody

You just can't please everybody. We quote Abraham Lincoln as saying, "You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you can not fool all the people all of the time." (Or that may have been Phineas Barnum of circus fame, according to the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations.) It would be equally true had Lincoln or Barnum said, "You can not please all the people all of the time."

I began as a child with the serious business of gaining approval. I tried very hard to please my parents, my teachers, my classmates, my church friends, my brothers although not so much—and God. For many years, I made huge efforts to please everybody or at least not displease them—and especially God.

I outgrew some of my need to please absolutely everyone after I discovered that it was simply impossible to do. But unfortunately, I continued a lot of my effort to please God and not displease Him. I was a Christian a long time before I began to understand that God's love is not earned by even my best personal behavior. Our relationship does not depend on how I feel, and His acceptance of me does not fluctuate according to what kind of day I've experienced. Because "pleasing" has always carried such burden with it, it is helpful for me now to think instead in terms of honoring God and His family. This has helped me change the emphasis from endless worry about doing the right thing to being the person He enjoys being around!

I love the paraphrase of the old "Living Bible," the version which preceded the New Living Translation. David sang in the Shepherd Psalm, "He helps me do what honors Him the most." (Psalm 23:3) God is not off somewhere, making black marks in His book whenever I fall short of my self-ideal of perfection. He is leading me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake, not mine. And He is right here, helping me do what honors Him the most.

Marjorie

"Yes, I Hear You"

I am writing today to women who are suffering great hardship. You have cried and prayed, but no answer has come. Yet.

You may have a son or daughter who has left home to pursue a life of excess; you may not even know where he or she is. You may have been deserted by the companion who promised to cherish you. Or perhaps you are being abused—physically, verbally, or emotionally—or you are witnessing the abuse of those you love. Your family might be among the many who have lost jobs, homes, and dignity. You may be facing devastating illness in your own or a loved one's life. Your heart may be broken by the death of someone very dear. You may have a past that haunts you.

In the book of Exodus, in the telling of a single story, God declares three times that He knows what is happening. The children of Israel, after the years of Joseph's favor with the king, were enslaved in Egypt. "Years passed, and the king of Egypt died. But the Israelites continued to groan under their burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their cry rose up to God.
4 God heard their groaning,
4 and he remembered his covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
4 He looked down on the people of Israel
4 and knew it was time to act. (Exodus 2:23-25)

Then the Lord told him [Moses],
4 “I have certainly seen the oppression of my people in Egypt.
4 I have heard their cries of distress because of their harsh slave drivers.
4 Yes, I am aware of their suffering.
4 So I have come down to rescue them from the power of the Egyptians
4 and lead them out of Egypt into their own fertile and spacious land . . . Look!
4 The cry of the people of Israel has reached me,
4 and I have seen how harshly the Egyptians abuse them. Now go, for
4 I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt.” (Exodus 3:7-10)

Now go and call together all the elders of Israel. Tell them, "The Lord, the God of your ancestors—the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob—has appeared to me. He told me,
4 'I have been watching closely, and
4 I see how the Egyptians are treating you.
4 I have promised to rescue you from your oppression in Egypt.
4 I will lead you to a land flowing with milk and honey. . . ' " (Exodus 3:16, 17)

I cannot promise that your prodigal child will soon come home in repentance or that your husband will return or your abuser will die. I cannot say that money will suddenly appear, as if by magic. I cannot assure you that you or your loved one will recover from the illness that is draining away life itself. I cannot say that after your loss things will soon be "normal" again. I cannot promise that your sorrowful regrets will just go away.

But this I do know and can assure you: God has heard your cries of distress. He is aware of your suffering. He has been watching closely and when the time is right, He will come to rescue you.

Rescue did not happen overnight for the Israelites, and it did not even happen in a way that they relished so much! But God kept His covenant promise with them, and He will keep it with you too. The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them." (Psalm 91:14, 15)

Does Jesus care when my heart is pained
Too deeply for mirth or song,
As the burdens press, and the cares distress,
And the way grows weary and long?

Does Jesus care when my way is dark
With a nameless dread and fear?
As the daylight fades into deep night shades,
Does He care enough to be near?

Does Jesus care when I’ve said “goodbye”
To the dearest on earth to me,
And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks—
Is it aught to Him? Does He see?

Refrain:
Oh, yes, He cares, I know He cares,
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares.

--Frank E. Graeff, 1901

Marjorie

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.
Words of "Does Jesus Care?" from http://library.timelesstruths.org/music/Does_Jesus_Care/

A Quiet Place

I am of the opinion that most women, maybe even all of them, need a quiet place somewhere. This is probably true for men as well, although we've been led to believe that men and women are as different as night and day (or Mars and Venus, if you will). However, I know more about women, so I'll share from the viewpoint of those I've known.

I personally know about "busy" and about "tired." I was a single mom with a full-time job who was also attending school and participating actively in my church. And yet most days, I managed to find a quiet time and place for thought and prayer, not because I was so wonderfully spiritual but because it was essential for my survival! I know other women, back then and now, who also are pulled in many directions by their responsibilities, and yet they keep a calm place in the center of themselves. One of the ways they do that is by making a literal "quiet place."

I was grounded in the belief that "daily devotions" were one of the primary acts of a real Christian. Furthermore, one ought to give the best part of the day to God; naturally, that would be morning. (This in spite of the fact that many people would have to confess that morning is not their personal best part of the day!) I was convinced that Bishop Ralph Cushman's poem was exactly right.

So I think I know the secret,
Learned through many a troubled way:
"You must meet God in the morning
If you want Him through the day."

Is that actually true? I no longer think so. Didn't Jesus promise that the Father would send the Holy Spirit who would always be with us and in us? And hasn't the Father sent Him? I do recognize the importance of our two-way communication with God; that is what supports and builds our relationship with Him. I also know that a morning time before we get busy or pulled into some tense situation can be a significant help. But to assume that God doesn't stay close to me if I haven't said "Good morning" is sadly limiting Him. With the respect due Dr. Cushman, I have to differ from his conclusion. Obviously, it worked for him, and many other wise and wonderful Christians who also used early morning hours to pray and study and write their best-seller books. But there are still many others who have not been able to make that work in their lives.

One summer, I assisted in an orphanage, mothering several babies and toddlers. Young and inexperienced, I was simply overwhelmed with the responsibilities. When night came, I crashed wearily into bed. "I am so ashamed," I confessed to God. "I haven't even thought about You all day." A sense of comfort came over me as I remembered Jesus' words to His disciples, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me . . . If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love." (John 15:4, 10 KJV) It is as simple—and also as urgent—as staying connected. That is not the same for every woman, and often it is not the same for one woman at various stages of her life.

Ideally, busy women have a few moments at some time in their day to be alone and quiet, at least most days. This has proved to be important for the mental and emotional and spiritual well-being of a great many women over many generations. Susanna Wesley, mother of Charles and John, gave birth to nineteen babies, ten of whom lived to maturity. How did she ever find time to think and pray? Where could she find a quiet place? She had to create a time and a place. Sitting in her chair, she would flip the apron she was wearing up over her head, and the children knew they were not to disturb her while she was there!

But even if one has not found the quiet place, it is not wise or healthful or spiritual to live under condemnation for not being able to do so! Whatever it takes to keep a strong, vital connection to the Vine is what one needs to do, and all that one needs to do!

Marjorie

The lines of poetry above are part of a longer poem of Bishop Cushman's, which can be found at http://clergyresources.net/I%20met%20God%20in%20the%20Morning.htm

"I'm Here"

Forty years or so ago, an author of books for young people (Judy Blume) titled one of her stories, "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret." That title came to mind today when I was thinking about whether or not God answers the prayers of those who aren't committed to serving Him.

Understandably, there is not consensus among non-believers, believers, and even scholars. Personally, I grew up believing that the only prayer God could hear from a sinner was "the sinner's prayer"—that is, "I am a sinner. I believe that Jesus died for my sins and I now receive Him as my Savior." That is what my religious instructors taught, and so that is what I believed. I am less sure of that now that I understand God is very much bigger than I thought!

Yes, there are Scriptures to argue for only "children of God" getting their prayers through. The blind man whom Jesus had healed declared, "Now we know God does not hear sinners, but only those who worship God and do His will." (John 9:31) The blind man, however, was simply making an argument against calling Jesus a sinner on the basis of the healing He had done on the Sabbath. He was not making a theological statement or attempting to teach those who were present.

Isaiah speaks of the sin issue too, as does the Psalmist. "Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear." "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear. But certainly God has heard me; He has attended to the voice of my prayer. (Isaiah 59:1, 2; Psalm 66:18, 19 NKJV) There is a condition here that should not be ignored: these were God's own people. He needed to make clear that withholding blessing from them was, or would be, the consequence of dishonoring Him before those around them. To enjoy His favor while living in open sin would send the message that right relationship to God is of little concern.

Does God answer the prayer of sinners when they ask for protection, provision, or other kinds of help? It's hard to say. Countless stories assure us that some wonderful things do happen that are hard to explain in any other way. We know that "the Lord is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion on all his creation." (Psalm 145:8, 9 NLT) And ”he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike." Matthew 5:45 NLT) Did the righteous farmer get his prayers answered while the unrighteous farmer couldn't expect anything and just had to take what came? I guess only God knows. And He is the one who gets to decide.

I like to encourage people wherever I meet them to pray. Sam Shoemaker, who had significant spiritual impact on Alcoholics Anonymous and who founded the Faith at Work organization, tells of dealing with a desperate man who admitted he didn't believe in God and certainly didn't know how to pray. The Rev. Shoemaker asked him to try this experiment (on a regular basis): First, get down on your knees and say whatever comes to mind, addressing your thoughts to "The Unknown." Secondly, read a chapter from the book of John in the Bible.

Out of respect for the man of God, the inquirer obliged, albeit reluctantly. After awhile, the man found he was actually praying to God and he was reading the Bible on his own. At last he had to admit that "something" was helping him; he eventually became a Christian believer and a leader in the church. This was simply because, Shoemaker says, faith came in "when there was an opening for God to get through."

I would not want to limit God in the creative ways He uses to woo the hearts of those who need somebody on their side.

Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret—or Jennifer or Emily or Madison.
Yes, I'm here.

Marjorie

Scripture marked NKJV taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

Has God Forgotten?

In the 6th century B.C., in three different deportations, the Jewish people were taken captive and exiled in a foreign land. What about God's promise that a king from David's line would sit on the throne forever? To those people, it surely must have looked sometimes like God had gone back on His word. The dire predictions of the prophets who spoke for God during that time must have alarmed the faithful few among the many idol worshippers. "Where is God? Is His promise true or not? Has He forgotten us?"

What they could not see, nor could the prophets who spoke of redemption understand, was that the Messiah King would come, hundreds of years later. It was He Who would sit on the throne eternally. He would be the fulfillment of all the promises, He would speak to all the disappointment, He would prove that God had not forgotten.

"Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me? Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he slammed the door on his compassion?" (Psalm 77:7-9) It is not unusual for even the most committed Christian to go through a dark time when, like the captive Israelites or the dispirited psalm-singer, he/she might wonder, "Has God forgotten?" The mind knows, of course, that He has not, but the heart is still anxious. Charles H. Spurgeon, the great preacher from more than a century ago, spoke at length on these questions, and I have extracted some of his statements. (The entire sermon can be found at http://www.spurgeongems.org/vols31-33/chs1843.pdf)

Has God forgotten to be gracious? Then He has forgotten an old, long, ancient,
yes—eternal habit of His heart! Have you not heard that His mercy endures forever? Since His creation has He not, in Providence, always been gracious? Is not His rule to open His hands and supply the need of every living thing? Did He not give His Son to redeem mankind? Has He not sent His Spirit to turn men from darkness to light? After having been gracious all these myriads of ages, after having manifested His love and His grace at such a costly rate, has He forgotten it?

Has God forgotten to be gracious? Why then, He must have forgotten His purpose! Have you not heard that before the earth was, He purposed to redeem unto Himself a people who should be His own chosen, His children, His peculiar treasure, a people near unto Him? Before He made the heavens and the earth, had He not planned in His own mind that He would manifest the fullness of His Grace toward His people in Christ Jesus? And do you think that He has turned from His eternal purpose, torn up His Divine decrees, burned the Book of Life and changed the whole course of His operations among the sons of men?

Has God forgotten to be gracious? Why then, He must have forgotten His own Covenant. Is it not called a Covenant of Grace? Is not grace the spirit and tenor of it? [The Lord declared, "If you can break my covenant with the day and the night so that one does not follow the other, only then will my covenant with my servant David be broken."] The Lord has not forgotten His Covenant with day and night; neither will He cast off His believing people!

More than that, when you say, "Has God forgotten to be gracious?" do you not forget that in such a case He must have forgotten His own Glory, for the main of His Glory lies in His grace. Does a man forget his honor? Does a man turn aside from his own name and fame? He may do so in a moment of madness, but the thrice holy God has not forgotten the Glory of His name, nor forgotten to be gracious!

If God has forgotten to be gracious, then He must have forgotten His own Son! He must have forgotten Calvary and the expiatory Sacrifice offered there! He must have forgotten Him that is always with Him at His right hand, making intercession for transgressors! Can you conceive of that? Yet it must be that He has forgotten His own Son if He has forgotten to be gracious!

Once more, if this were the case, the Lord must have forgotten His own Self, for Grace is of the essence of His Nature, since God is Love. We forget ourselves and disgrace ourselves, but God cannot do so. That the great Lord who has taken us to be His peculiar heritage and His jewels should cease to value us and forget to be gracious to us is impossibility!

I think I hear someone say, "I do not think that God has forgotten to be gracious except to me.” Does God make any exceptions? The Good Shepherd does not preserve some of His sheep, but all of them! And it is not concerning the strong ones of His flock that He says, "I give unto My sheep eternal life and they shall never perish"—He has said it of all the sheep, yes, and of the smallest lamb of all the flock, of the most scabbed and wounded, of all that He has purchased with His blood! The Lord has not forgotten Himself in any one instance—but He is faithful to all believers.

You may be alone or broke or broken-hearted. You may be stuck in a situation that seems hopeless or caught up in a problem that has, as far as you can tell, no solution . You may be weary or angry or afraid. You may be many things, but you are not forgotten. One day, just as He did with coming of Jesus to Israel, He will fulfill His promises, He will speak to your disappointment, He will prove that He has not forgotten.

Has God forgotten to be gracious? No.

Marjorie

Scripture quotation is taken from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. United States of America. All rights reserved.

My Dearest Friends

"Dearest . . ."

In the middle of the night recently, I awakened to that clear word in my mind. I am not a mystic, given to dreams and visions, but it did occur to me that maybe that thought was from God. It seemed like something He would do—a whispered word to assure me of His comforting presence.

I began to think about that word, and how we use it. We evaluate persons or things and declare that this one or that is more precious than others. To us, "dearest" is all about making comparisons. But God's love is unlike ours, which can change and fail. To Him, "dearest" does not mean "I love you more than I love others" but rather, "I could not possibly love you more!" Jesus said to His followers, "People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things [daily needs], but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don't be afraid of missing out. You're my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself. (Luke 12:29)

Sometimes circumstances in our lives have a way of making us feel unlovely and unloved. Past experiences, even in childhood, may have caused these uncertainties. Relationships that meant rejection—either real or imagined—create or support the belief that we are unworthy of being "dearest" to anyone. Unfortunately, sometimes even religious instruction carries the message that we are worthless. Undeserving of grace, yes, but not worthless. Just because Job, and David too, in his extreme circumstances felt like a worm, that does not mean that I am, in fact, a worm and that God considers His human creation as such!

We are His precious possession, His dearest!

Marjorie

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

The Circle of Relationship

The following post was first published on my blog, "Finding the Faith Way," on July 30, 2008. I have repeated here, with minor additions, because of its significance in this context.

I recently finished reading, “The Shack,” a controversial but wildly popular new book of Christian fiction. (A few days ago, #2 on the USA Today bestseller list of trade paperbacks; yesterday #1 on the NY Times list of the same!) It has big-name recommendations printed right on the cover, and can millions of buyers be wrong? (Yes, of course.) Even so, I found it less than engaging as a novel, not having the captivating beauty or staggering clarity I was told to expect. It does have, however, many very long passages of didactics by God the Father who appears to the main character as a large, outspoken black woman who loves to cook. Aided by an Asian-woman Holy Spirit who gardens in blue jeans, and by Jesus—a Jewish carpenter, naturally—God (called Papa) proceeds to teach Mack about the Trinity, and the suffering in life, and the ultimate plan of God.

Some readers can’t get past the “heresy” these characterizations represent to them. I’ll admit it wasn’t easy. Nevertheless, I came away from the reading with a new insight of significance. It is this: We will never quite understand the Trinity, because we cannot understand the Trinity. Mack marvels at the simple, beautiful, easy way the Three relate to each other. He can’t figure out who’s in charge; he’s always thought of God as being the Boss, but then that doesn’t seem to fit in this situation. So he asks about the chain of command.

God explains that there is no hierarchy because they are in a circle of relationship. Among themselves, they do not recognize the concept of a final authority. That is a problem humans have; they are so damaged in their relationships that they cannot imagine—let alone function in—a situation where there is not someone in charge. He (She) goes on to say that once hierarchy has been established, rules have to be made to protect and administer it, hence laws and enforcers of law. People then end up with a system that destroys relationships rather than building them, and seldom experience any relationships without some expression of power. That is the human paradigm.

Mack objects that after all we’ve adapted pretty well to that system, and the Holy Spirit girl is quick to point out that he must not confuse adaptation with intention. Made in God’s image, humans were meant to be unencumbered by artificial structure, free to just “be” in their relationship with God and one another. That intention was spoiled by man’s choice to act independently of God. The first step to restoring God’s intention then is to find, as much as we can on earth, the unity with God that the Three have in themselves, and then expand that unity into our human relationships. Is this possible? Yes. Jesus prayed, “that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us . . .” (John 17:21)

Get the book. Read it if you can.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Marjorie

Genny's Story - 10: Healing

To read all previously published parts, click on "Genny's Story" in the labels column at the left. Note that entries appear in reverse order, the most recent on top.

Genny is telling us about the process of healing after her abusive marriage to Jim.
Marjorie: How about other people, friends and family members? Were they supportive?

Genny: Hardly anybody knew, but the few that did were God's gift to me! I don't think I could have made it without their love and wisdom and their acceptance of my crazy thinking!

M: The Bible tells us that God heals the brokenhearted. Did you pray for healing?

G: All the time! But healing doesn't always come with someone's emphatic prayer or a little dab of oil on your forehead. For me, the single most significant turning point was one morning when a visiting minister to our church spoke on the marriage relationship, how it is for companionship and care and protection of one another. A great sorrow swept over me and I thought, "Oh, just look at what I've missed, what I'm never going to have!" And God spoke in my heart, as clearly as if He had said it out loud, "You have been so hurt and disappointed that you have forgotten how strong and sufficient I was all those years you were single." That changed my outlook completely, because from that day until now I have tried to turn my attention to new ways of remembering. I turn the pain into something positive. And I want to add that this is a very real thing to me, not just another slick way of learning to cope.

M: Tell us how you do this.

G: Well, for example when I recall, "We were sitting in this very restaurant when Jim got angry and stomped out." Then I say, "But oh, Lord, thank You that You are so patient. You have never threatened to leave me."

"Here were all these lies, a whole web of deceit in Jim's life. But God, You are the Faithful One! You are always reliable, perfect in your trustworthiness. I thank You!

"So much scorn was heaped on me. But You, Lord, have always treated me with respect. You have led me through difficult circumstances sometimes, but You have never tried to humiliate me. Thank You!"

And so on through every painful memory. "Lord, You are the perfect Giver. Thank You for giving to me everything pertaining to life and godliness, not for what You might get in return, but out of Your love for me!"

"God, You are not after the control that bars my humanity. You are in control because You are God, but You don't rule Your obedient child with a harsh rod. Thank You!

"Your love is pure, untainted by unrighteous motives. You have nothing to prove about Yourself. And you have no need to make me prove something! Thank You, Lord!

"God, with You there is no shadow of turning. I never have to question your continued love and loyalty. Thank You!

"Lord, Your words are sweeter than honey! Even when You correct me, I feel Your love lifting me to a better place. I thank You!

"God, I know You have a sense of humor, but it is so gentle. You don't seem to laugh at put-downs of people or make light of life's issues. Thank You!

"Lord, You did not choose comfort, but the way of the Cross. You did not choose ease but sacrifice. How I thank You!

"God, You know who You are, the great I AM. You know who I am. And You are letting me learn who we are! Thank You, thank You!"

I have to say that this has not only changed my response to memories, but it has also given me a better understanding and a closer relationship with God the Father. The Scripture even talks about Him being the husband of the forsaken, and that is a beautiful thought to hold onto if one has been hurt and disappointed.

M: So you're actually better and stronger than before? You thought God assured you that this marriage was for your joy and blessing—do you think it's possible that the deeper understanding and relationship with God that you now enjoy is what He was talking about?

G: Well, naturally I thought He meant that Jim and I would have this beautiful marriage and grow old together and all that. This was supposed to be the best part of our lives. I think that is what could have and should have happened, so this is terribly disappointing.. There is sorrow for myself, of course, but for God too, that He didn't get to see His plan worked out as He intended. God is God, but He does not always get what He wants because He lets us make choices.

M: But even though you're disappointed, you don't seem to have a lot of regret.

G: I don't. I believe I needed to marry Jim so that I would not spend the rest of my life regretting that I had missed the opportunity to make a home with this dearest of friends. And I needed to learn things about life and about myself that I didn't even know were missing. I don't think I would be where I am today without this experience, as awful as it was. And I am hoping that other women may be helped by what I have to share.

M: So then, all things really do work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose?

G: Yes, I know they do. I believe that with all my heart!

M: Genny, thank you for sharing! It has not been easy, has it?

G: No, but I have prayed often, "God, don't let what I have experienced be wasted." If our conversation gives to women some understanding and hope, then my prayer has been answered!

This is the end of Genny's shared story, but just the beginning of the new one she's living now!
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*A recap of the books Genny mentioned, and others she found helpful:
Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical    and Emotional Abuse, by Paul Hegstrom
Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO to Take Control of Your Life,    by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Finding Your Way through Domestic Abuse: A Guide to Physical, Emotional,    and Spiritual Healing, by Connie Fourré
It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic    Violence, Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock
Love, Infidelity, and Sexual Addiction, by Christine A. Adams
Telling Yourself the Truth: Find Your Way Out of Depression, Anxiety, Fear,    Anger, and Other Common Problems by Applying the Principles of    Misbelief Therapy, William Backus and Marie Chapman
Trauma: The Pain That Stays, by Robert Hicks
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to    Respond, by Patricia Evans
Whose Face Is in the Mirror? The Story of One Woman's Journey from the    Nightmare of Domestic Abuse to True Healing, by Dianne Schwartz
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, by    Lundy Bancroft

*Related Websites:

http://www.focusministries1.org/
http://www.drirene.com/ (This is a huge website, but there is a section where Christian women share with each other.)

Genny's Story - 4: But Denial Has a Price

To read all previously published parts, click on "Genny's Story" in the labels column at the left. Note that entries appear in reverse order, the most recent on top.

Genny has described beginning to discover that she was in an abusive marriage.

Marjorie: So then what did you do with your new understanding that you were, in fact, an abused spouse?

Genny: I did not want to believe that this man I had loved for so long as a friend was a person I did not even recognize. He was small and mean. I did not want to believe that, so I can't really blame the other people whom I felt would not be able to accept the truth about my situation. But not wanting to believe something and choosing not to accept the truth when it has been made obvious is a form of deceit, isn't it? I was grievously aware of Jim's double life—one man in public, a very different man at home. That is just so wrong. But I have recently come to a stunning realization. Without meaning to, I had been pressed into a double life too. At home, "walking on eggshells," exhausted, sad. Away from home, "Fine, thanks. Just fine." Smiling. Efficient at my work. Helpful to others. All my pain bottled up inside. And that is just wrong too. It is no way to live.

M: In your place, I think I might not have been able to survive. You must have hated to be at home.

G: I loved my home. I wanted it to be the place of safety and peace that I believe homes should be. I wanted to be there—and I couldn't stand to be there. I begged Jim to give me some time just to be there alone, and he said, "Yes, yes, of course," and then reneged on his agreement. My emotional conflict took a terrible toll on me physically as well.

M: In what ways?

G: I didn't sleep much, so I was always, always exhausted. I had severe back and shoulder pain that almost nothing helped. I had stomach aches, and my colon acted up. Sometimes I was so stressed while I was eating that a bite would stick in my gullet halfway down, and I would have to stop and breathe deeply and try to relax until the pain went away.

M: Did Jim notice any of this?

G: Yes, and he usually had an answer. "You're eating too fast," or "You're working too hard," or "Have you seen your doctor about that pain?" What I have to wonder now is if the effort to keep his two lives separate affected Jim in some of the same ways. He had lots of little physical ailments, but proudly repeated over and over what a doctor had told him many years ago, that he was strong as a horse. When I told my own doctor that the marriage had ended and I was suffering some physical effects, he said, "But don't think Jim got by. He paid." I guess our bodies know—and they react—when we are not living with integrity.

There is one big difference, though, between the duplicity of Jim's life and what I was doing. Jim purposely deceived. I was compartmentalizing my life, just trying to keep my sanity. It has been helpful for me to understand how I did this, and why it was necessary.

M: And were you angry at Jim?

G: Of course! But anger is a hard emotion for me to admit I have, because of my upbringing. Probably some of the time when I was feeling overwhelming hurt, I was actually angry and it would have been healthier for me if I could have recognized that it was anger. But it took awhile for me to be able to say even to myself, "How could he have done this to me? How dared he talk this way?" It was unthinkable to me at the time to say such a thing to him. So, much, much later, at the point where I could admit I was angry, some healing took place. When I knew what to call it, after awhile I was able to give it up.

M: And were you ever angry and disappointed with God? Did you feel He had let you down or even tricked you?

G: Well yes, I raged a few times, briefly, but He was always right there when I quieted down! After one particularly devastating revelation about Jim's life, coming after he was gone, I was storming around and God said—an inner knowing in my heart—"I saw you. I was there." To me, that says I cannot expect to avoid or get out of every distressing situation, but I will never be abandoned. I really did have a place of refuge, even though it couldn't be my home.

To be continued.