"I Deserve . . ."

"I deserve . . ." are words that I can hardly bring myself to say. During the years of my youth, it was firmly instilled in me that life doesn't owe me anything. Later, spiritual trainers taught me that "Christians have no rights." Consequently, I arrived at adulthood believing that the appropriate thing to do was treat myself poorly. The result was unhealthful eating habits, too few hours of sleep, no time for exercise, and unrewarding relationships.

The time came finally when I began to realize that this was not the way God intended for me to live. I was able to say, albeit with wavering conviction, "I deserve better . . .", although I didn't really know how to get that. I am now learning that it is, as with so many things, a matter of balance. No, we cannot just "float," believing that everything will somehow work out and what we need will be provided by our family or the Church or the government. At the other extreme, we should not equate poor and rejected with "holy."

Reading of Jesus' life, we see that He stopped to eat, He stopped to rest, and He stopped to pray. (Walking everywhere, He did not have to be concerned about getting exercise!) But Jesus did not lose awareness of other people while He tended to His own needs. He did not shut others out, but sometimes laid aside His own justifiable agenda in order to minister to them. He was a master of balance.

Did Jesus exercise "His rights"? I think so. He was the Son of God, and sometimes He claimed that Divine authority and used that power. He was also son of man, so He celebrated at the Cana wedding, He wept at Lazarus' tomb, and He became angry at the merchants in the Temple. The details of Jesus' death show clearly that His "human rights" were violated, but throughout His life, Jesus claimed His right to act like a human. Again, He had mastered the art of balance.

By advocating "I deserve. . .", I am not suggesting that we become selfish or that we abdicate our responsibilities. I am becoming more and more aware of the rhythms of life. There are seasons when we are just too busy. Small children consume our time and energy, or there is an ill or frail family member to whom we give care. We struggle through the double-time march of job and schooling. The state of the family finances means having to work longer or differently than we expected. A relationship requires our special nurturing for a time. A period of demanding work in our career takes extra attention. But when that season is over, what then?

Sometimes we continue, after it is no longer mandated, the lifestyle we developed through necessity. We eat on the run, sleep too little, watch too much TV because we're so tired we can't read, and give little consideration to the things that bring beauty and peace and meaning to life. We "deserve" these things, not because we are somebody better than those around us, but because you and I are "one of the least of Jesus' brethren" too.

Marjorie