Christmas Won't Be the Same

Some of my readers will have experienced loss this past year, and they may be saying, "Christmas will not be the same this year." Among my friends and even in my own family, we know that "Christmas won't be the same." We talk about and sing about "home for Christmas," but changes can come that mean home is not what it once was. A parent is gone now, a spouse, or sibling, or child. For many people in this tough economic climate, even the home itself has been lost.

Remembering the "before" is inevitable. It may help if we recognize ahead of time that certain words or rituals will trigger old feelings—sorrow, loss, regret, bittersweet commemoration. It's possible for anger and disappointment to be there as well. Some of these are emotions are to be expected; some may sneak up on us. Tears may come. There is no need to hide them. (You have my permission to let them flow.)

Sometimes a new tradition helps us focus on what we have now instead of what is missing. Don't be afraid to make changes in "what we've always done." On the other hand, there's no need to discard all the established traditions of the Christmas past simply because some of the present circumstances are different; a lot of things are still the same.

For a few women, a look at reality can be helpful. The first Christmas of my single-momhood, I lamented silently, "Look at me! I'm all alone and life is hard. How can I have a happy Christmas?" I was pulled up short by the thought, "And just how many happy Christmases did you have before you were alone?"

In our uncertain world and our changing lives, there is one constant. "Change and decay in all around I see; O Thou who changest not, abide with me!" (Henry F. Lyte, 1847) Everything's different now—and nothing has changed.

Marjorie