"It's Not My Problem"

Those words can be callous and hurtful if stated with disregard for the feelings of other people who find themselves in unhappy circumstances. It probably should not be said at all, but only kept in mind by those of us who tend to take on the task of seeing that everyone around us is happy! That is not our problem! Not our job! Not our calling!

Women sometimes assume this care-taking mindset because of their place as wives, mothers, and workers in many of the helping professions. In these situations, we may have special responsibility for the well-being of those around us, but not for their happiness. That is up to them. Happiness is a choice, even a decision. No one can make another happy, and unfortunately some people are satisfied only if they have something to be unhappy about! We do not have to let such people intimidate us by their expectations—even if they are children or genuinely needy individuals or sincere folks who want us to further their religious project. We do not have the time, talents, money, or physical and emotional energy to make them all happy. It's not our problem!

This is not to say that we should not give thoughtful consideration to requests or demands that come our way. We have probably already learned that it is all right to say "no." What we don't much like is the fallout of our decision if the asker does not accept our answer gracefully. The child may get all pouty. The individual who wanted our resources may be upset. The project leader may be visibly disappointed in us. But that is not our problem!

Well, actually the child may become our problem if we're the parent. "If you need to pout about this, you will have to go to your room to do it." Otherwise, people's responses are their responsibility. Being happy is their problem, not ours.

Marjorie